Some couples wonder why after giving all their time, effort, and energy
into their marriage, it’s still doesn’t end well. Just like Sandra, my
dorm buddy during college days. A couple of months ago, she called me up
to have lunch with her and that she needed someone to talk to. Sandra
has this engaging personality. Her aura never fails to brighten up
yours, but not during that meeting. The usual sparkle in her eyes are
gone, I can feel that she is disturbed, distracted, and sad. My silent
assessment were confirmed when she told me that she and her husband are
divorced effective that afternoon.
My heart sank. They were a great power couple, and they have two
wonderful girls. She said they just grew apart. They tried saving the
marriage, but nothing fits anymore. She further continued that what
devastates her more was that she gave up everything for her marriage.
She blew the chance to be in a very strong law firm because it will eat
up all her time, so she settled for a less demanding, mediocre job. This
is really surprising to those who knew her in college, she was an A
student. Everyone expects her to be big because she has this charm and
confidence to become successful. When she got pregnant, she gave up her
job to be a soccer mom. Her life was all about her marriage and her
children.
Now, at 43, she has to start her life over. She wanted to share her
story because somehow, she wants fellow mothers and wives to learn from
her experience. Although, there are certain other factors that lead to
the end of her marriage, but in general, she admitted that the lack of
balance in the relationship played a big factor in the divorce. She
noticed that the more they tried to save the marriage, the more it
becomes a burden. The imbalance crippled their hope, drained their
energy, and exhausted them emotionally.
Balance, equilibrium, homeostasis, they all mean the same thing- a tip
on the scale means trouble. Balance keeps the universe in its delicate
order; equilibrium keeps the planet earth habitable; homeostasis keeps
us in the pink of health. Don’t you think it’s time to apply balance in
your relationship to prevent and avoid divorce?
Here are some quick suggestions on how to keep the balance in your relationship and how to avoid divorce.
Take up an old hobby that you both loved to do together. Sometimes this
happens to couples, because of too much work, due to obligations, and
the needs of the kids, you set aside your “couple time.” It’s a noble
sacrifice, but it will hurt your family. You have to remember that your
union is the pillar of your family, when you compromise that, you
compromise your family.
Give each other some slack. There will be times when your partner would
screw up, would constantly forget to put the toilet seat down, or leave
the wet towel all over the floor, would sometimes not help with the
dishes, or forgot to take the trash out. You know what, let it go and
shake it off. Then say your piece of reminder in a light tone. Although
these are “important” things to do, but seriously, these are not really
worth fighting over. As they say, “don’t let the toilet seat ruin your
marriage.” How true.
Give each other a breather. Give each other the chance to breathe out of
the marriage. Hang out with your own friends, take a vacation alone,
and nurture yourself. It is important that each of you understands that
your marriage is flexible enough to understand that you are still your
own person. It should be vast enough to cater your growth, and deep
enough to comprehend your needs.
Love link
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