If you are wondering how to save a marriage from divorce, then you are
probably feeling hurt and confused. You may have been feeling neglected
for a while and wondering if there is anything you can do to make things
better. If your marriage is breaking down and you know that you want to
save it and stop a divorce then you have to take some steps to change
what is happening between the two of you.
Firstly you need to take some time to think about what has gone wrong.
There will often have been neglect from both sides whilst each blames
the other for the problems in the marriage. Relationships tend to
deteriorate over time where one or both partners neglect the things that
are important to the relationship and to the other person. Resentment
tends to build up slowly but surely until the situation reaches a head.
Stop and think about what has gone wrong in your marriage. Even if you
blame your spouse, try to put yourself in their shoes to see how you
have contributed to the situation. If you are angry, critical and
blaming instead of loving and appreciating, this may be part of the
reason why your partner has been unresponsive and ignoring and perhaps
why they want a divorce.
How we communicate in relationships is so important and can be the
difference between motivating our partner to meet our needs and turning
them slowly against us. When we are able to communicate in a
constructive manner, and show that we understand that the other's needs
are important too this allows for negotiation and creates a win-win
situation. When we blame and criticise, we are showing them that we
consider our own needs more important than theirs.
To help save your marriage from divorce, it's time to change your
relationship patterns and communicate in a way that shows your spouse
that you appreciate having them in your life and that they are important
to you. If you have neglected to put time and effort into your
marriage, then you now need to find the time to make the necessary
repairs. It's time for you to listen to what your partner really needs
and wants from your relationship.
You have to realise that your spouse will be angry and upset too and it
may take some time to change this. Start by doing your best not to let
yourself get put off-balance even if they reject your attempts. If you
exhibit negative emotions at this time then you could end up making
things worse not better. Unfortunately our patterns are so deeply
ingrained, that it is difficult to change but once we become aware, it
makes it a little easier.
Talk to your spouse and tell them how you feel. Apologise for your part
in the deterioration and explain that you really want to try to make
things work. If they are not sure that they want to try to save the
marriage, you may feel worse to begin with. But realise that you can
only work on yourself and your own feelings, emotions and patterns. As
you change for the better, the patterns in your relationship must change
too. Keep on going, holding your head high, knowing that you are making
a difference and just doing the best you can.
You may consider getting counselling to help save your marriage from
divorce. The input of a neutral third-party can help to clarify and
explain what is wrong in your relationship and give you ideas on how to
change it. Even if you are unwilling to try counselling, you can still
find plenty of advice available on the internet to help save a marriage
from divorce.
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