.......... "INLAWS and OUTLAWS" .........

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Usually I will never share this, but I cannot resist the temptation of blessing someone else with my story;
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A few years ago I was in a relationship with this awesomely immaculate lady, Lord! She was and still is one hell of a super woman. One time she came over at our house as usual and stayed the weekend. Mom knew she was coming over, so she made us some stew. That night, mumsy was watching her favorite Papa Ajasco TV series in the living room, and so she asked her to boil some rice since we already have stew.
Now let me tell you a bit about my mom and her rice; She likes her rice scooped from the top of the pot and broken down in pieces into single grains, NOT served in clusters or block. I knew that.. My dearest didn't know... I knew I should have gone into the kitchen to see how she was going to serve the rice, but the Papa Ajasco was just too interesting for me to remember.
Long story short. The rice was ready, and served in BLOCKS!
When I saw it, hmmm, I immediately removed myself from the sitting room, because I knew what was coming. Well, mom called her and spoke to her about it, while I peeped through the bedroom door to listen. When she came in, I pretended like I didn't know what had happened, so I asked her what my mom said to her, the first thing she said sounded like "your mom thinks I don't know how to cook, how can she be telling me that I don't know how to serve rice?" ... Then I said "but I was listening and she didn't say anything wrong, she was only advising you like a mother." that was when she replied with the
most shocking statement ever; "IS SHE MY MOTHER?"... Now I knew she was upset and it came out in the heart of the moment, but com'on, nothing comes out of your mouth without first occupying space in your heart.
Later that night when everyone was asleep, I sneaked into my moms room to speak to her. I appreciate what she was trying to do, but I acknowledge she didn't go about it the right way. She's my girlfriend, I know her tolerance level, I know her temperament level, I know how best to speak to her, and when it's best to catch her in a good spirit, I know that, but my mom doesn't. And that is the biggest challenge with mother in-laws, I wish they could all understand that they only have control over their sons, because that's who they know like the back of their hands, not their wives (or girlfriend as the case may be).
I spoke with her kindly, if she has any issues with the woman in my life she should come to me about it first, not her. She could have told me about how she served the rice, she's my woman, and at such am the only one who knows how, when, and where best to talk to her.
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Dear Mother in-laws;
It will save us a lot of inlaw strife if we can understand this. We are not saying don't talk to our wives about some concerns you might notice about her, what we ask is that you talk to us about it first, as a matter of fact you will need our help on how best to talk to her, and most times you wouldn't even need to talk to her, we will do it ourselves.
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Dear husbands;
The reason why your mother have so much power over your marriage and what happens in it is because you permitted it while you were still in a relationship or courting your wife. You watched your mom talk to your woman anyhow she pleases, you watched her correct every little thing she does, many times without even your knowledge of it. But you did nothing to stop it. Now you're married and you expect your mother to stay away from your marriage after giving her
so much power over your wife? It's not possible, you permitted it from the onset, so now your mother is comfortably playing the role of a supervisor and legal counselor over your marriage, correcting and dictating how your wife runs your own home, because you gave her so much power to do so.
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Dear potential husbands;
Put your foot down as a man, and make your mother understand that you alone reserve the rite to talk to your woman about a concern, if she must talk to her, she must talk to you about it first, it will save you a lot of trouble in marriage, trust me. Make her understand this with love and respect, just like I did, and not with strife and disrespect.
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Dear potential wife;
The main reason why you're having problems with your mother in law is because you have refused to see her as your own mother. You get upset when she corrects you because your mind has ready been set to the feeling that "she cannot talk to me, she is not my mother".
I remember when I was still very little and my mom will shout and spank me over a tiny mistake, in my heart I used to say my mother was wicked, or that she doesn't like me, but in the middle of all those naive thoughts that didn't stop me from laughing and playing with her the next minute, it didn't change my love for her, it's same way with mother in-laws. If you can forgive your own mother for talking to you anyhow and you cannot forgive your mother in-law for doing the same then that means you have not started seeing her as your own
mother. If you carry the mindset that your mother inlaw is your man's mother, then you will never connect with her, when you made the decision to be with her son you adopted her as your own mother, and vice versa, so love her like your own, treat her like your own, forgive her like your own, ignore her rants like your own, and be nice to her just like your own, if you can understand this, your marriage will be a blessing.